Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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