we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
