How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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