I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
