Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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