Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
