There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
