Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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