Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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