I'll bet she douches with gravy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
