I wish I could punch you in the face.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
