On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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