Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
