It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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