My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Houston, we have a squirter
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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