Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize