I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
