i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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