Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
