Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
