Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
