The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
