a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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