I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
