If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
