I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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