Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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