She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
