Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
