im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
