3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize