I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
