4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm really busy with my period
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