i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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