The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you will always have a special place in my vag
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
