i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
