you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
