1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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