ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
