Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize