3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
