she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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