love makes seman taste better
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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