WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
