dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
