Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
