I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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