I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
