That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
