Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
