just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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