i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
