Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize