I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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