I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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