haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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