At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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