I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
