her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize