Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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