Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
