He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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