All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I died a long time ago.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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