Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize