I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
