I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
