When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
