see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
