I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
