I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
