Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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