Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
