Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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