just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i think i just lost a toe
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