he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
