Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
