thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
