On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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