I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize